Little Bits

Today’s plug is titled Little Bits, obviously, I was inspired to write on all of the bits that make me whole.  As I experience more life, I realize that there are more pieces to the puzzle being added, constantly.  My life is NOT complete and I am ok with that.  I’d rather be a work in progress, than perfectly complete.  A motto I like to live by is “GROW OR GO” – I’m either moving forwards or backwards, period.

All my life, for as long as I could remember, I never felt comfortable in my own skin.  And mind you – I had a great childhood, a wonderful family, a beautiful life – it was all laid out in front of me.  Like the “White Picket House” type shit – my friends used to tease me.  But, let me, let you in on some shit…things aren’t always as they seem.  Just because things “look” good on the outside doesn’t mean it’s Strawberries and Orgasms all the time.  It has taken a long time for me to come to that understanding.  I could be all put together, right, the job, the car, the make up, the boyfriend, the family, etc and all of that could be wonderful and I’d still be dying on the inside!!  Have you ever felt like you just wanted to crawl out your skin?  Or like you wanted to dig a hole, jump in and never come out?  That’s not where any human’s meant to be, in my opinion.  I don’t believe we were put on this earth to be miserable.  However, I think that there are times where we need to be a little uncomfortable, to help us break through and come out stronger on the other side.  These times can be our greatest asset to growth.  And you may not see it whilst you’re in the middle of the storm, our vision (most of the time) is hindsight.  I look back at my life and think…Man, if I knew then what I know now things would be so different.  My choices would definitely not be the same, or would they!?  

Growing up, I felt like I never completely fit in – whether that be reality or not, it was my reality, in my head.  I got pretty good at putting on, the ever changing, masks – to fit in with, who I was with and where I was at, at all times.  It was in the clothes that I wore, the music I listened to, the way I spoke, the things we did.  FUCK!  That was a lot of work.  It didn’t take long into my “experimenting” years that I realized when I used substances (whatever they may be) I felt a little more normal – getting loaded allowed me to be me, or so I thought.  What I’ve come to find out was, that was just another facade, fake as fuck!

Brings you to present day.  Today I can say, with a grateful heart, that I am happy to be me.  That doesn’t mean I’m always comfortable in my own skin, however, I’m learning to live thru the discomfort.  It’s taken a lot of work to get to where I’m at today.  A lot of choices gone wrong, facing consequences (good, bad or indifferent), a lot of heartache, many tears, a lot of writing, much soul searching.  I’ve been to some pretty dark, ugly places and I’ve lived to see another day.  All of my combined life experiences has helped shape me into the human being I am today.  And trust that there is still more to be had and I welcome it with passion and open arms  Bring it on Universe!!

Today:

I am part daughter, sister, grand daughter, niece, etc.  I’ve always been these things but I can truly say that I am a much better (fill in the blank) today.  That doesn’t mean I’m perfect but I’m much better than I used to be, on most days.

I am part Wife.  I always tease and say my husband and I have done things ass backwards, but it kind of goes along with this post.  Our story is unique to us, it’s a part of what makes our relationship so special.  Sure it can be challenging at times but I think any relationship is.  And if it’s not, well, maybe you need to check back in with reality.

I am part Mom.  I have two beautiful kids, that drive me crazy at times but I love them with all of my being.  Blessed to be entrusted with caring for these 2 souls.

I am an active member in a Twelve Step Program.  And boy oh boy – it truly has been life saving and life changing!!  It is very difficult to put into words the depth of how much this means to me.

I am a Working Woman.  I’ve worked since the age of 15, 99% of the time I’ve held a job.  At times I’ve held multiple jobs.  During my short stint at the local JC, I held 3 jobs at one time, plus I went to school full time.  I thoroughly enjoy going to work – I have found that I LOVE doing what I do.

I’m an, on the side, entrepreneur.  I dabble in the world of Mary Kay and Young Living Essential Oils.  Let me say this…I mostly do it because I love using the product.  Maybe one day it’ll take off for me, until then I stay satisfied with the goods!  This is one of those things that I don’t necessarily put too much time and effort in, until more recently.  Just like many things I’m learning in life – for you to succeed you gotta put in the work.  I’m learning.

Now, individually, these things do not define me as a person.  COLLECTIVELY THEY DO!  The fabric of my life is intertwined.  I would not be the woman I am today if any of those things were missing.  Although, life may be hectic and crazy sometimes, it is FULL!  Balance is like the Cheshire Cat – one second it’s there and the next it’s not, always within reach but never does it seem to be attainable.  So I just suit up and show up and do the best that I can on any given day.  Looking back at where I came from, to where I’m at today and the possibilities that lay ahead – I am ecstatic that I am given the ability to live life, whatever that may look like.  So cheers to all of the Little Bits that make up the Sara I am today!!

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