Rain

So as I sit here, listening to the rain, I find myself in (somewhat of) a deep thought… I love the rain! Like no umbrella, who cares if I get wet, LOVE THE RAIN. I really don’t care for umbrellas; a)because I don’t mind getting a little (or a lot) wet and b)I find them quite annoying and more of a pain than of much help. I feel sorry for my daughter. I feel as though she may or may not suffer from my disdain of umbrellas.  I find it kind of ironic that the English meaning to the name Brooklyn is water or stream. With all of that being said, I found myself pondering my love for the rain because I find it relaxes me. It calms my soul, it speaks to my spirit. This could be because I am an Aries, a true fire sign or it could be the cleansing properties water holds. Most likely a combination of the two. As an Aries I am competitive, driven, daring, enthusiastic, honest, optimistic and passionate. On the flip side of the coin, I am also, stubborn (hard-headed), moody, impatient, short-tempered, impulsive, jealous and aggressive. You can’t take the good without the bad. In life, I’ve been able to take the good and the bad and use it to become the best version of myself. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without ALL of my life experiences. And let me tell you some of them ain’t pretty and then there are some that are the most beautiful moments I’ve ever experienced, thus far. Growing up I had a pretty damn good life. I had a family that loved me, fun playing on the many different sports teams with some great friends. But I also faced some not so fun things. Like being teased for my crooked smile. That’ll do some damage to a kid. As if fitting in and feeling comfortable in your own skin weren’t hard enough as it is. In my teenage years, when all I wanted to do was go to school, play my sports and have fun. Well, that was all fine and dandy, until…my “experimental” phase turned into full blown addiction. Out of that, I found recovery. Talk about beautiful! I come from a place where it was darker than dark. Where I didn’t want to live any longer, with or without the drugs. I loved getting loaded but I hated life. Now, the process of recovery has afforded me a life that I am excited to live. A life I would not change for anything! I have a husband whom I love and who loves me. And that in and of itself is a process and can be challenging. Shoot, any relationship can be challenging. In our 7 and a half years of marriage we have overcome many obstacles, with more to overcome. The trick is we keep moving forward, we keep learning and we keep communicating. I have given birth to two of the most amazing humans. They are beautiful and brilliant, very independent (which is great, unless you’re trying to parent them), both have their own bright and colorful personalities. And just because I think they’re amazing, doesn’t mean I don’t want to throat punch them every now and again. I am very fortunate that I have been given the tools to sort thru my assets and defects. I get to see how they serve me or how they don’t. What do I want to hold onto and build upon and what do I want to change? The ebb and flow of life. I believe that when faced with a challenge I will be given the tools and strength to make it to the other side. And I can choose to come out the other side with gained knowledge and a greater understanding to my purpose in life. Today I embrace the good with gratitude and the bad with open arms to help propel me to be the best version of me. I’ll leave you with this. During the storm it might be dark and slippery but after the storm it’s never been so beautiful, clear blue skies and green hills – so fresh and so clean! It’s all about weathering the storm to get to the beauty life has to offer! Take a moment to breathe it all in. Soak in the rays of sunshine! Revel in its beauty. Before you know it, the next storm will be on the horizon. The hits just keep coming but with that comes continued growth and for that I’m most grateful! 

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Little Bits

Today’s plug is titled Little Bits, obviously, I was inspired to write on all of the bits that make me whole.  As I experience more life, I realize that there are more pieces to the puzzle being added, constantly.  My life is NOT complete and I am ok with that.  I’d rather be a work in progress, than perfectly complete.  A motto I like to live by is “GROW OR GO” – I’m either moving forwards or backwards, period.

All my life, for as long as I could remember, I never felt comfortable in my own skin.  And mind you – I had a great childhood, a wonderful family, a beautiful life – it was all laid out in front of me.  Like the “White Picket House” type shit – my friends used to tease me.  But, let me, let you in on some shit…things aren’t always as they seem.  Just because things “look” good on the outside doesn’t mean it’s Strawberries and Orgasms all the time.  It has taken a long time for me to come to that understanding.  I could be all put together, right, the job, the car, the make up, the boyfriend, the family, etc and all of that could be wonderful and I’d still be dying on the inside!!  Have you ever felt like you just wanted to crawl out your skin?  Or like you wanted to dig a hole, jump in and never come out?  That’s not where any human’s meant to be, in my opinion.  I don’t believe we were put on this earth to be miserable.  However, I think that there are times where we need to be a little uncomfortable, to help us break through and come out stronger on the other side.  These times can be our greatest asset to growth.  And you may not see it whilst you’re in the middle of the storm, our vision (most of the time) is hindsight.  I look back at my life and think…Man, if I knew then what I know now things would be so different.  My choices would definitely not be the same, or would they!?  

Growing up, I felt like I never completely fit in – whether that be reality or not, it was my reality, in my head.  I got pretty good at putting on, the ever changing, masks – to fit in with, who I was with and where I was at, at all times.  It was in the clothes that I wore, the music I listened to, the way I spoke, the things we did.  FUCK!  That was a lot of work.  It didn’t take long into my “experimenting” years that I realized when I used substances (whatever they may be) I felt a little more normal – getting loaded allowed me to be me, or so I thought.  What I’ve come to find out was, that was just another facade, fake as fuck!

Brings you to present day.  Today I can say, with a grateful heart, that I am happy to be me.  That doesn’t mean I’m always comfortable in my own skin, however, I’m learning to live thru the discomfort.  It’s taken a lot of work to get to where I’m at today.  A lot of choices gone wrong, facing consequences (good, bad or indifferent), a lot of heartache, many tears, a lot of writing, much soul searching.  I’ve been to some pretty dark, ugly places and I’ve lived to see another day.  All of my combined life experiences has helped shape me into the human being I am today.  And trust that there is still more to be had and I welcome it with passion and open arms  Bring it on Universe!!

Today:

I am part daughter, sister, grand daughter, niece, etc.  I’ve always been these things but I can truly say that I am a much better (fill in the blank) today.  That doesn’t mean I’m perfect but I’m much better than I used to be, on most days.

I am part Wife.  I always tease and say my husband and I have done things ass backwards, but it kind of goes along with this post.  Our story is unique to us, it’s a part of what makes our relationship so special.  Sure it can be challenging at times but I think any relationship is.  And if it’s not, well, maybe you need to check back in with reality.

I am part Mom.  I have two beautiful kids, that drive me crazy at times but I love them with all of my being.  Blessed to be entrusted with caring for these 2 souls.

I am an active member in a Twelve Step Program.  And boy oh boy – it truly has been life saving and life changing!!  It is very difficult to put into words the depth of how much this means to me.

I am a Working Woman.  I’ve worked since the age of 15, 99% of the time I’ve held a job.  At times I’ve held multiple jobs.  During my short stint at the local JC, I held 3 jobs at one time, plus I went to school full time.  I thoroughly enjoy going to work – I have found that I LOVE doing what I do.

I’m an, on the side, entrepreneur.  I dabble in the world of Mary Kay and Young Living Essential Oils.  Let me say this…I mostly do it because I love using the product.  Maybe one day it’ll take off for me, until then I stay satisfied with the goods!  This is one of those things that I don’t necessarily put too much time and effort in, until more recently.  Just like many things I’m learning in life – for you to succeed you gotta put in the work.  I’m learning.

Now, individually, these things do not define me as a person.  COLLECTIVELY THEY DO!  The fabric of my life is intertwined.  I would not be the woman I am today if any of those things were missing.  Although, life may be hectic and crazy sometimes, it is FULL!  Balance is like the Cheshire Cat – one second it’s there and the next it’s not, always within reach but never does it seem to be attainable.  So I just suit up and show up and do the best that I can on any given day.  Looking back at where I came from, to where I’m at today and the possibilities that lay ahead – I am ecstatic that I am given the ability to live life, whatever that may look like.  So cheers to all of the Little Bits that make up the Sara I am today!!

New Beginnings…

So lately I’ve been obsessing on Pinterest.  You know the place that makes you want to be Super Mom or turn into a Woodworker overnight or get all DIY Martha Stewart”y”.  I came across this thing called Smash Book (which combines scrapbooking and journaling) and then I stumbled upon this Bullet Journal thing.  I may be a little late to the party but this peaked my interest.  A few months ago, 7 to be exact, I purchased a journal.  And it just sat there, waiting – patiently.  Fast forward to two weeks ago.

smile-change-the-world

I finally decided maybe it was time to start.  I arrived at a place where I thought it was time to “step up my game”.  Time to invest more time, love and creativity into Sara.  One thing I promised myself was that I had to let go of perfection.  I have a tendency to want to rip out pages because I don’t like my writing or my doodles or whatever it may be.  I had to let go – a little bit more of that negative self talk.  Maybe, it’s time to start embracing my imperfections and allow myself to shine thru, regardless of what that looked like or what anybody thought.  Ok, now we’re getting deep…into things I’ve battled my entire life.  Stick around we might touch on that more.

This journal gave me a place to track birthdays and anniversaries.  As well as take a look at my weeks at a glance and see what we have on the calendar, including dinner/meal planning.  Appointments, to-do lists, tracking (things I track: did I meditate that day?  did I use my Essential Oils that day?  did I drink my water that day?  did I take my Ningxia Red shot that day? did I journal that day? Etc).  I have also made sure to jot a little note down of what the day entailed – did I go to a concert, did I have dinner at my parents with my kids, stuff like that.  I thought it would be cool to look back over the years to see what my life consists of, not that I think I’m that interesting but you never know.  Maybe it’s something my kids will hold onto when I’m no longer here, a little morbid I know, I don’t plan on going anywhere, anytime soon – but then again you never know.  So with all this being said, it’s allowed me to write down my dreams, aspirations, and goals.  Time to start chasing my dreams.  I’ve already accomplished so much life but I also know there is so much more I’d like to do.  For me, I get these wild ideas – and they all sound good in my head but I’m lacking in the follow thru.  When I put these things in black and white (sometimes pink/blue/green/purple) it is harder to deny and gives me the drive to start putting some action behind these wild hairs.  Fast forward to now.  We have arrived at my blog and first blog post.  I’ve always wanted to start a blog and here we are.  A place for me to share.  A place for me to write.  A place for me to get creative.  There is a little artsy, fartsy inside of me – it doesn’t necessarily measure up (in my mind) but maybe that will change.

So, I invite you to tag a long for the ride.  It may be boring, it may be wild, it may be emotional, it may be all over the place.  But whatever it’s meant to be, will be.  I am always open to feedback and welcome it.  I’ve been taught that we are each others eyes and ears.  There is no you, without me and no me, without you.  Please help me along this journey…

Much love and appreciation!